Support Tips to Help You Manage Low Sex Drive

If you’re dealing with a decrease in your libido due to depression, you’re not alone. Read on to learn how you can navigate these changes and get your sex drive back.

For many people, depression impacts nearly every aspect of life, including sex. That could mean you’re never in the mood for sex anymore, your body doesn’t get going even when you feel turned on, or something else altogether.

Whatever you experience, changes in libido and low sex drive are incredibly common symptoms of depression, and if you’re dealing with them, you’re far from alone. It’s also common to feel upset, frustrated, or distressed by these changes.

Keep in mind, however, that low libido is not permanent. You can and will get your sex drive back, and certain strategies can help you along the way.

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1. Treat your depression with therapy

Around 70% of people with depression experience low sex drive. If you’re part of this group, your symptoms could be related to:

• physiological factors, like depression-related imbalances in neurotransmitters
• other depression symptoms, like anxiety, stress, and physical anhedonia
• your antidepressants

Therapy can help you treat your depression and manage symptoms, including low sex drive.

Research has shown that certain types of therapy may be particularly effective for low sex drive, including:

• cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
• mindfulness-based therapy
• mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT)

CBT can help address and rewire negative thoughts interfering with sex, pleasure, and intimacy, which can help reduce anxiety and improve sex life. Mindfulness-based therapy and MBCT may offer support for difficulties with desire, arousal, lubrication, and sexual satisfaction.

According to the same research article, some studies have also found that these types of therapy may be even more effective when partners are included — when applicable, of course.

2. Try couples counseling and sex therapy

If you have a partner or partners, research indicates that participating in couples counseling and sex therapy may be an effective treatment when depression is impacting your sex drive.

Part of these therapies includes helping couples focus more on sensations than on performance, which can help couples move through anxiety, self-consciousness, low self-esteem, negative self-image, and internalized stigmas around sexuality.

Couples counseling and sex therapy may also help you and your partner build healthy strategies for communication. This can help empower you to talk with your partner about changes in your sex drive and, if and when you’re ready, help you feel more comfortable and confident expressing your desires in the bedroom.

Research has also shown that combining therapy forms like CBT and MBCT with sex therapy may help boost the effectiveness of both approaches.

3. Talk with your doctor and adjust medication as needed

Low sex drive isn’t just a frequent symptom of depression, it’s also a common side effect of certain antidepressants.

SSRIs, including escitalopram (Lexapro), fluoxetine (Prozac), and sertraline (Zoloft), may have a particularly high risk of this side effect. Other antidepressants, like certain SNRIs or SARIs, may have a lower impact on sex drive.

If you’re concerned that your depression medication may be affecting your libido, consider talking with your care team. Depending on your unique case, medical needs, and treatment priorities, it may be possible to adjust your dosage or even change your antidepressant to help ease this side effect.

However, don’t adjust your dosage or stop taking your medication on your own. To ensure that you stay safe, changes should always be supervised by your healthcare professional and follow a doctor-approved tapering plan.

If you do make changes with your doctor, remember that adjustment takes time. Try to be patient with your body and your brain, and continue communicating with your doctor if your sex drive doesn’t show signs of improvement.

4. Explore what feels good solo

Getting to know your body on your own first can give you a better idea of what you like.

Try using toys, hands, or lube or setting the mood with images, movies, or stories. Take note of what feels good, excites you, and gives you pleasure, and then keep exploring that.

If and when you want to, show your partner what you’ve learned about your body. Or, keep it in mind for future partnered encounters. Do what feels comfortable to you, and remember that it’s OK to go at whatever speed you want.

The more you and your partner know how to make you feel good, the more you can put that into action when sex feels possible — exciting, even — for you.

5. Redefine intimacy

We often think of intimacy as synonymous with sex, but it’s so much more than that.

If sex feels impossible right now and you’re looking for different ways to feel close to a partner, try expanding and redefining intimacy to include acts that do feel possible.

Maybe that means a different kind of physical touch, like holding hands, snuggling, or a bump to your shoulder as you laugh together. Maybe it’s shared moments, like eating a meal, going for a walk, watching a movie, or sitting outside as the sun sets.

Whatever you choose, remember that intimacy, affection, and closeness are just as important and powerful when built outside the bedroom. Plus, you may find that these bonds can help drive desire and boost your libido over time.

6. Communicate openly

Just as there’s nothing shameful about sex, there’s also nothing shameful about changes in desire and libido.

If you have a partner, be open with them about how you feel different, and tell them how they can support you as you navigate low libido.

Open communication with your doctors is also important. Low sex drive is a medical symptom of depression like any other, and an informed care team is a prepared care team. When your providers know about all your symptoms, including low sex drive, they can more closely tailor your depression treatment regimen to your specific needs.

Sometimes, talking about sex can be hard. If you’re feeling stuck, try practicing conversations and exploring communication strategies with your therapist first.

7. Be kind to yourself

Your journey is not the same as anyone else’s, and neither is your sex drive.

There’s no such thing as an across-the-board, “normal” amount of sex. There’s just your normal — whatever feels right and comfortable to you, no matter how much or how little sex that means.

Try not to compare yourself or your sex life to what you imagine other people are doing. Instead, check in with yourself and your feelings about your own sex life.

If you’re working on managing low sex drive, keep in mind that your body and your experiences are unique to you, and try to avoid setting unrealistic expectations for your progress.

Give yourself patience, compassion, and care as you navigate depression and all the symptoms that come with it, including low sex drive.

What to do if your partner is dealing with low sex drive

If your partner is dealing with low sex drive, be patient, loving, and compassionate. Assure your partner with your words and your actions that you’re there for them in the ways they need you to be.

If and when they ask, show your partner that you’re ready for the two of you to work together to deepen intimacy and closeness, and to build toward sex.

The takeaway

Low sex drive is a common symptom of depression. For many, it’s also a distressing one.

If you’re dealing with low sex drive, rest assured that there are ways to help you manage your symptoms and get your sex drive back.

Above all, be patient, loving, and compassionate with yourself, your mind, and your body as you heal and find your way back to your unique version of normal.

For more information about the link between depression and low sex drive, check out this article.